Why, Why, Why, Ladies, Why?

I really don’t understand why women choose to stay in unhealthy relationships. Why do ladies go back to men who beat them? Why do they forgive cheaters? Why do they stay with jerks?

Over the years, I befriended some amazing women and have had to shake my head at the ridiculous choices they’ve made when it comes to relationships.

I have known people who have caught a boyfriend or husband cheating on them and they have ended the relationship. On the other hand, I have known some couples to survive a little indiscretion.

However, there are some habitual cheaters out there who cannot be faithful. If your man has cheated on you more than once, he will do it again. It’s in his nature.

If your man belittles you and degrades you often, you should go to counseling to work on these issues. If he doesn’t change and treat you with respect, you can do better.

Why do girls stay with bad guys and jerks? There are plenty of nice guys out there (like me.)

Is it that these girls don’t think of themselves highly enough? Do they feel like they need to hold onto something, even if it’s terrible because it’s scary to be alone?

There are things far worse than being along. I know from experience. I was once in a relationship where neither of us were happy but we stayed together for way too long. It was stressful and really weighed on us. It’s actually better that we’re not together anymore. It hurt like hell at the time but now I can see that it was the best thing for us to part ways.

I have seen families stay together for the kids. This is a good thing if the two parents can work out their issues and treat each other with respect. Unfortunately, a lot of couples don’t seem to be able to do that. The parents stay together but openly show disrespect daily in the home. Kids are smart. If disrespect is what is modeled at home, that is what your children learn. They will learn it is okay to disrespect women. That is not a lesson you want them to learn. Better to split up and have a more positive home environment.

Also, please don’t think bringing another child into the mix will help solve your problems and solidify your partnership. Big mistake! You need to treat each other with respect and to love and honour each other on a daily basis before you consider having a second or third child. A new child is not the solution to your problems. Please don’t make that mistake.

I don’t know if this post will wake-up any ladies out there who need to get out of a bad situation but if it helps just one, I will consider it a success. If you have any stories or advice on this topic, please leave a comment below. Thanks!

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9 Comments on Why, Why, Why, Ladies, Why?

  1. I wish I knew the answer to this Chase. My best guess is that we're creatures of habit and making change is more scary than accepting whatever is familiar; no matter how difficult it may be.

    In fact, the difficulty itself can be attractive in the sense that IT becomes something to "fix". As long as it exists it gives reason to continue… I dunno; that sounds way out there, but still…

  2. Hi Davina,

    Change is scary. I understand that. I think these women need to realize that to start new will be a tough thing but that anything worth doing usually is.

    I agree with you that some women stay to "fix" their spouse or the situation. No one can really fix another person though.

    Too bad there aren't any easy answers or solutions out there. I just wish these women happiness and hope to inspire them to find it, even if it means making a scary change.

  3. I agree that women and men need to recognize when it's time to let go of a bad relationship.

    On the other hand, sometimes this isn't as clear as it might seem to be.

    In some cases, by the time a woman or a man realizes that a relationship is bad, he or she is already lost so much confidence that leaving seems to be more dangerous than staying.

    Just my two cents in this conversation. It's nice to see my friend Davina has stopped by for a visit:~)

  4. Hi Sara,

    I like your take on this issue. It can be about confidence, and I know that it is a touch decision either way. Thanks for the input.

  5. Hi Everyone,

    Go check out Sara's great post – http://sarahealy.com/index.php/2010/03/11/the-nature-of-the-beast/ that deals with this same subject.

  6. Interesting discussion. These are alpha males, which some women find irresistible. I'm sure there's an evolutionary/ biological explanation to that.

    Personally, I adore nice guys (and many women do!) I've been with a caring, loving, decent man for 20 years now. I could never be with someone who doesn't respect me.

  7. Hi Vered,

    Thanks a lot. That helps me to know that there are some ladies out there that are attracted to nice guys and not just those alpha males.

  8. I would say it has an awful lot to do with self-esteem and self-perception. If you don't believe you deserve better, it is easier to accept a bad hand. If you have a high opinion of yourself, then a bad hand is simply not acceptable. We all have our journeys and lessons to learn. Sometimes the lessons have to be repeated a few times before we learn better. It's better not to judge another – there are always reasons for things, even if not apparent on the outside. A string of unhealthy realtionships can eventually spur someone onto taking steps to love themselves.

  9. Hi Jacqui,

    I try not to judge. It's just hard to see women I care about doing this.

    Thanks for the insightful comment!

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