A friend told me today that I can be intense and that it sometimes seems like I put across a “my way or the highway” attitude. As soon as he said it, I could see where he was coming from. I am intense. I do like things my way but I don’t play the “my way or the highway” game. I never have. I am flexible and laid back. But as he was telling me these things I had a bit of an epiphany. I could see myself outside of myself and everything seemed really clear.
I think that it is very hard to know what people are thinking or how they are responding to you. My friend told me that it is just a part of my personality and that we don’t normally think about things like this. He’s right. I don’t put too much thought into what other people think of me. I try to be a good person and do the right things but I don’t worry about what other people think of me. Of course, there are situations when you do need to worry about these things like job interviews, parent-teacher nights, and the like.
So I’ve been thinking a lot about my personality today. I could see character traits in myself that I never paid much attention to before. I know where this intensity came from too, my Dad. He taught me to be a strong person, to stand up for what I believe in and to do the right thing. All that I am today, I think I owe to him. I am a strong person because of his influence.
In light of my friend’s comments today, I thought of a time when someone said the complete opposite to me. It wasn’t too long ago either. This person was upset at me because I wasn’t reacting as emotionally to something she obviously thought I should. She was mad at me for being too laid back. She was basically mad at me for not being mad. I couldn’t figure this out at all. I tried to let her know that that was just not how I dealt with things. I was never the type of person to yell and punch walls. What good does that do?
Of course, I am a paradox to myself though because I can see how I might be taken as being too intense but I am also laid back. These two things would seem completely opposite but I seem to integrate them both into my personality seamlessly. I tend not to worry or let things bother me. I can go with the flow and I can go after what I want. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that.