Category Archives: journal

My Journal Has Been Reborn

By all rights, my journal should have died. I declared that it did last month and was fine with that decision. But it ultimately refuses to. 

This blog can’t replace it. I tried to have it do so but I failed. That’s because a journal serves an altogether different purpose. My fictional writing can’t relegate it to redundancy either.  
I’m glad I didn’t throw out my notebooks last month because I found that I actually needed to write again. I really didn’t want to resurrect the series but I had some issues I needed to deal with. I had a hard time writing in my journal again because it felt like, in writing, it would become all the more real. It’s already much too real. 
But I have written pages and pages since then and it has been very therapeutic. 
The reason I wrote so many pages was that I hadn’t really written much in it at all this year. I had to tell what had happened in the past five months. I knew it would take a lot of time and effort. But it needed to be done and I was able to do it somewhat concisely. 
I use my journal writing not so much to record my thoughts but to actually figure out what my thoughts are saying. I’ve always been able to talk things through and come up with insights through speech. Writing works much the same way. It is a process that is tied to thinking. Maybe it is even part of the process. 
That being said, I hope that no one else ever reads my personal words again. 

My blog is for everyone but my journal is just for me. 
It helps me figure things out. It helps me remember things as well. It serves a purpose. 
That is why my journal has been reborn. 

My Lengthy Recap

I met my soul mate shortly after Valentine’s Day this year. And maybe I knew I’d find her because on February 4th I wrote,

“I’m ready to move on. It’s been a long time since my heart was broken. But I don’t want to go looking for my true soul mate. I figure that if it is meant to be, we will find each other. Maybe that is naive of me.”

A few weeks later, she happened to walk into my life.

She had supply taught in my school several times over the year but I hadn’t really noticed her because she always seemed to work with the older students in the other wing of the school. And since my school staggers the recesses, we never ended up having lunch in the staffroom at the same time either. But I believe we were destined to meet.

It’s funny to say this but it was hip-hop that finally brought us together. She was curious to see the extra-curricular activity I was running for the students after school. There was a small group sitting around my desk and I was trying to coach them on writing a rap song. I had done this before with another group of kids and it went really well. I demonstrated how I usually wrote to the beat. I just let the music play and I think of what it tells me. I think of how I can rhyme words over top of the beat so that it sounds good, and then I start writing.

So the classroom door was closed but we had the beats bumping pretty loud. You could hear it from outside of the classroom but we don’t really bother anyone since it is an after-school program.

Anyway, the kids weren’t inspired that day. Neither was I. We hadn’t written anything of substance but some days are like that when you try to write. Plus, the kids didn’t really know how to write rhymes. Fortunately they did manage to come up with a pretty good chorus and they chose a beat that they really liked. So we were set for next week’s practice. 

Things were starting to wind down when I noticed her at the classroom door motioning to see if it was okay to come in and see what was going on. Looking back, I think I knew right away that this girl was special. I was pretty smooth and she seemed to like what I was doing. I told her about the hip hop club and what I was trying to do with it. I showed her the CDs I had made a few years back. I told her about my blog and the novels I wrote. I didn’t know what I was doing at the time but it seemed like I was really trying to sell myself.

So, the next day, I get an email from her. I hadn’t even known her name before that. You’ve already met her as she has written two guest posts as WitGirl. In her email, she said that she had checked out my website and all of my excerpts. She told me that she was really interested in reading the entire story of “After the Fact” so I told her I would be honoured if she read it. I brought it to school the next time she was in supplying.

I thought it was odd that of all the things I had written that she wanted to read that one. This was the one piece of work that was awfully personal and autobiographical. I have only let one other person read it so far. But I really enjoy the story and I can admire how I fictionalized some of the things in my life to create a great story. It really works. It is also the only piece of fiction that I have ever written in verse.

Witgirl and I started emailing each other every day. We started figuring out our schedules so that when she was at my school we could spend at least one break together. That graduated to telephone calls. And then finally to our first date.

I invited her to the community talent show where the hip hop club would be performing. I was also performing some of my old material. I thought it would be fun and it was.

Things moved really fast from there. I could tell that she was falling for me and I was falling for her. Things always felt right when I was with her.

I know without a doubt that this is the woman I am going to marry. Unfortunately there are a few things holding us back from doing that right now. I simply don’t have enough money to buy her a ring or provide her with a fancy wedding ceremony. But I do plan on marrying her one day. We’ve talked about it as well.

She really is an amazing woman. 

There is a lot more of this story to tell. But I think that is a good start to my lengthy recap. I wish I had kept up my journal so I could have a written record of the past four months. It has been great. I want to make sure that I never forget how I fell in love. I never thought this would happen. It feels great and I am really happy with how things have turned out so far.

My journal seems outdated and irrelevant now. My life has finally started. This is the part I should be documenting. But my journal died and this blog is more than capable of holding my memories. And there will be more to come….


My Journal Died

I tried to resurrect it last September but only got two entries in. I picked up the gauntlet again in December and ran for nine days. I managed to do the same thing in January. But I only got one entry down for February, zero for March, one for April, and nothing since. 

The April entry isn’t even completed. I meant to go back to it one day but now I think it is time to bid my journal farewell. It’s too bad too because this journal really serves a purpose.

This is the first part of what I wrote on September 13, 2008

I was going to quit this series a long time ago. I haven’t been able to do that though for some reason. I don’t know what it is that keeps me coming back.

This could very well be the final chapter. It is the final notebook. It’s almost as if I knew I’d need this many chapters way back when I started this.

I really liked these hard cover books, and, obsessive as I was, I bought a lot of them. I got them from Grand & Toy, which doesn’t even exist anymore. I got them from Centre Mall in Hamilton, which has been knocked down and is in the process of being redone. It’s amazing how things change.

And this is where I finished off on April 10, 2009

I know that I haven’t written in here in a long time. I tried to write two months ago but I just couldn’t bring myself to write anything.

A lot has happened in the last two months. I wish I had of written about all of it here.

Part of my excuse is that I haven’t had the time. But that’s not a good enough one.

So now, I’m left with two options here

1) Write a rather lengthy catch-up entry OR
2) Throw away this series completely

I’ve seriously been considering the latter. But I just went back and reread parts of this chapter and I can’t do it. I need to keep this up. This chapter should be the pivotal one for the rest of my life and I want to document some of it. So I guess, it is time for a lengthy recap.

The trouble is that I never did the recap and now there is even more to add to it. It is an impossible task.

I guess it is good that I managed to get two more years since I wrote this post. But the empty pages are really hard to look at. I should’ve filled them up with all the great things that have happened this year. I really wished I had done that.

One day, those blank pages may call to me again. If they do, I will heed the call and write but for now, my journal is dead. I’ve never said this before. I have always left it open in the hopes that I will write. The trouble is that there are so many other things I want to do right now. I just don’t have the time to keep it up and I know I probably won’t write another entry.

I really want to write that lengthy recap but I think it will I will have to settle for a succinct one here on this blog. Keep an eye out for it soon.


Journal Vs Blog

Last year, I wrote 250 blog entries. Do the math.

250 entries divided by 365 days in the year = a 68.5% efficiency.

That number is misleading though since my goal was to write a blog entry every weekday. So let’s revise the numbers

52 weeks in a year times 5 days a week = 260 potential blogging days

I actually posted 250 entries so let’s divide that by 260 to get a 96% efficiency rate.

I would say that’s a pretty good record.

Let’s look at my journal now. I started it up quite a long time ago. I have managed to keep it updated but my entries have gotten to be very few and far between. I want to correct that this year. I have lots of things to write about that I wouldn’t want to put on the World Wide Web. My journal still has a purpose, even if I have neglected it.

Total Journal Entries 56

56 divided by 365 days in the year = 15% efficiency

Of course blog entries are short, most are only about 300 words long. My journal entries by nature are much larger, most of them are anywhere from a page and a half to six pages.

Total journal pages for 2008 = 134 pages.

Each entry is then roughly 2 and a half pages long. I guess that’s not too bad. I bet if I counted the number of pages I did the year before, it would probably be pretty close to that number as well.

There used to be a time when I wrote in my journal every single day. I love being able to look back at my old writing and relive those moments in time. I really wish I could write in them more, but I just don’t have the time. I write blog entries, journal entries, and fiction.

I probably write now more than I ever did. I guess I don’t need to keep score. This really isn’t a contest. My blog and my journal both have their place and my attention. They both are permanent records of my thoughts at the time. As such, my writing serves as a time machine to my mind state and feelings at the time of each entry. That is the magic behind my writing and what keeps me going.